Post by tomdurst on Nov 27, 2020 0:14:28 GMT -5
TRYING TO CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE
I think it is good to always keep in mind that a consistently loving attitude and nonjudgmental life does all the preaching, correcting, etc. that ever needs to be done. People change in their own time and their own way as they are ready and not before nor after that. We can't force change in ourselves or others either. I've thought about so many changes in my own thinking that took years to make and I wondered why it took me so long to "see the light" in a particular area but finally I changed. If that is the case with myself, and I'm supposed to know myself, then how much more patient I need to be with others. We think we know that others must change such and such in their lives, and maybe they should for that matter, but all of this takes time with them as it does with us. If we live in love, patience, and stop trying to manipulate others, even in our thinking, changes will come as that person is ready and in ways that are best for them, not for us necessarily. It is also the case that when we spend time with people and have it in the back of our minds that we must somehow change them they will sense that and a barrier is created.
The only person we can really change is ourselves and genuine, lasting change comes to us only as we surrender to God and earnestly cry out for His help to do for us that which we can't do for ourselves. At least that has been my experience and every major change that I've needed to make has been very traumatic and painful but necessary.
Another side in this whole matter is that we need to realize that it is extremely rare for most people to make any substantial changes in their thinking or in their behavior without a definite, clear move of God to bring repentance which means to turn around and think in a totally different way. All of our wishful thinking, human persuasions and even our very best of intentions may be of no avail to bring about true repentance and change. I’ve seen this play out repeatedly over my many years of experience and observation. There are times when we need to simply go our separate ways for "Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?”—Amos 3:3 (NKKJV) In every case the goal in parting company with someone should be that it be done in peace and without anger or accusations.
The serenity prayer as used in 12 step groups is great wisdom:
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference."
I have written a whole series of short articles on RELATIONSHIPS and invite you to read from the link below as often as possible:
RELATIONSHIPS